The First Letter

Cross-posted to my Ao3 account.

For my dearest parents, I suppose.

It has been a long while since this subject has been broached between us and I must stand back no longer for things need to change.

I am uncertain what you have become aware of nor what you may have inferred, given my recent behaviour – but I suppose an introduction of sorts is in order. I am ■■■■■■ ■■■■■■■ ■■■■■■■, and I have only ever been your son. Though you only see of me what you wish and always have, I am not to fault for that.

I write to you not to ask you for succor nor acceptance. I simply ask for your respect and that you do not interfere with the life I have created for myself. That whom you knew before was nothing but an act I simply had to indulge in to keep the peace, and in doing so, I understand I may have caused irreparable harm. I have spent many nights awake with grief and guilt on the subject – so you must know that I will no longer heed the call of my former name for that is not and has never been me.

I do not know where life may take me from here, but please know that I will be forging every turn by hand on my own terms now and will lay each and every brick out with a devotion to only myself. You told me once I was blinded because of this notion that I could ever live as myself – that I was a silly child even in my twenties to consider that I was anything but a woman. That I was wrong, even. To that, I ask who are you to tell me who I am? I am a man of my own making and naught will tear that from me – not again. I am not a failure for the conditions of my existence and I will not suffer you telling me otherwise. I will not bear the burden of a crime I did not commit, for the sin of my own existence. For you to tell me you do not believe that I know myself better than anyone is quite frankly a cutting blow. 

The signs were clear and plenty throughout the years though you remained ignorant and I myself too fearful to ever bring it up. Perhaps were this an earlier life, I’d have listened to your instruction and been obedient. I would have accepted the fate of being nothing but an incubator for new life and I would have pretended to be happy, married to a man who loved me as a husband loves his wife and not as a man loves another man,  knowing full well I was made for anything but that. And it is that thought I cannot abide – I cannot be who you want me to be, and as such, I must divest myself from you, save one condition – acceptance. Were you to wholeheartedly accept me, maybe things could be different, but until you change, until this world changes, I fear that cannot happen.

I will play my part and play it well as society must be overhauled should I ever hope to live in peace. I will die for this cause if I must, knowing that others like me can see hope on a horizon where we are not ostracized for the circumstances of our birth, but instead praised for who we’ve made of ourselves.

If we may never meet again, know that I would rather die as the man I am than spend an eternity drowned in unerring misery as a husk of a person who could never reach their true potential. I will etch this into my very bones and move forward as only I can. My fate is my own and I will not falter.

Most Sincerely,

■■■■■■ ■■■■■■■ ■■■■■■■, Your Son

To New Beginnings

I’m trying to determine what would be the best for this blog. I’m leaning towards my thoughts on video games, board games, card games, and ttrpgs, while trying to throw in splashes of marketing, psychology, and how these topics relate to those aforementioned. DIYs relating to these subjects may also be covered.

I will be covering a wide variety on each subject, and I will also probably be doing reviews of games that I play, starting with some I’ve already played.

If there’s any game you’d like to see featured here, especially if it is your own game, please let me know, and I will definitely make the time to do so.

I intend to start up next week, I just want to make sure everything I need to is done first!

Enjoy your day.